Jack Swap
by Sweet Christabel
Summary: What happens when a rift in time causes Captain Jack Harkness to switch places with Captain Jack Sparrow? Minor chaos, of course! Pairings are leaning towards RoseTen and SparrowElizabeth - On permanent hiatus, sorry guys!
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Okay, this is a very random idea that just came to me one day, probably with the help of coffee and sugar :) For logical reasons, it probably should be the ninth Doctor, but as I like ten better I'm using him. I've posted this in the Doctor Who section because I thought it was more likely that I'd find Who fans that liked Pirates than Pirates fans that liked Who, if you get what I mean. Please R&R, ta!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Doctor Who_, _Pirates of the Caribbean _or any of the characters from them, which is probably a good thing, because I'd be torn between the Doctor and Jack Sparrow, lol. I'm not making money from this. If sued I have nothing to offer but a jar of pennies, not a single doubloon, sorry.

**Summary: **What happens when a rift in time causes Jack Harkness to switch places with Jack Sparrow? Minor chaos, of course :) Pairings are leaning towards Rose/Ten and Sparrow/Elizabeth.

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**Prologue.**

Barcelona. One of the galaxy's most beautiful, interesting and unusual planets. The TARDIS was leisurely flying towards it, for once spinning through time and space with little instability.

Tucked away in the closest thing the control room could offer for a corner, the Doctor was busy conducting a delicate operation. Rose Tyler and Captain Jack Harkness sat nearby, watching silently as the Doctor frowned and leaned over the table to study the object on it. Tongue poking out in concentration he let a single drop of liquid from the decanter in his hand drop into the container below. "Steady," he muttered.

Jack and Rose leaned forward.

"Can't…let it…become…too," (another drop), "…weak."

"Or what, Doctor?" Rose asked, craning her head to try and see what he was doing.

The Doctor's eyes never left his task as he replied, tipping another couple of drops. "Or…it'll…"

"What?" Rose enquired impatiently. "Explode? Catch fire?"

"No," the Doctor said. "It'll…taste appalling." With a beaming smile he turned to his companions and placed the milk jug back on the table. Holding up his cup of tea he took a sip and said triumphantly, "Almost perfect!"

Rose and Jack looked on, incredulous as he picked up the jug again.

"Does he do this often?" Jack whispered.

Rose leaned in to reply. "No. But since his regeneration he's taken a fancy to strong tea."

"I didn't notice that the old Doc did it. This is weird."

"I thought you knew about this regeneration business," Rose said.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's not weird when it happens to someone you know."

"Just…one…more…drop," the Doctor declared. Sudden turbulence caused them all to lurch forward. A large amount of milk slopped into the cup, causing him to swear in an uncharacteristically violent manner. It had been in Gallifreyan, but conveniently, (or perhaps not), the TARDIS had translated it.

Jack, who was nearest, leapt to his feet and hurried to study the monitor. The Doctor followed, shaking lukewarm tea off his hands. Rose also hurried over, making sure to hold on to the console or risk falling inelegantly on her backside. She watched the Doctor's expression as he glanced over the controls. Her curiosity did not stay quiet for long. "What is it, Doctor?" she called.

"A disturbance in time. A rift. Come and look!" He held out a hand, grinning with his usual boundless enthusiasm, pulling her over to look at the screen.

The rift looked almost exactly like one of the CGI nebulas on Star Trek. It was a mass of smoke and lightning, hazy white in colour. "That's a time rift?"

"Certainly is."

"Guys," Jack called, studying the nav computer, "we're heading straight for it."

The Doctor moved round to look at the controls, pressing a button here and pulling a lever there. He frowned. "The TARDIS is locked on course. There's nothing I can do about it. It's stubborn sometimes."

Rose raised an eyebrow. It had not taken her long to realise the extent of the TARDIS's stubborn nature. Sometimes the Doctor and the ship would have childish arguments, usually resulting in mutual sulking and reluctant making up. Roseheld on as the ship flung them all about. On the monitor the rift had turned a brighter shade of white, the brightest white she had ever seen.

Jack's frown deepened as he glanced at the nav computer. "What the hell?"

Then the white light engulfed the TARDIS completely, causing them all to squint. When it faded the Doctor and Rose opened their eyes and gasped.

Jack was gone.

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Somewhere on the ocean, not far from the unlawful town of Tortuga, the noble ship _The Black Pearl_ was making its steady way out to sea. At the helm, Captain Jack Sparrow stood grinning, watching one of the most amusing fencing matches he had ever seen take place. Of course, fencing always became more amusing when one of the opponents was a shapely young woman. Elizabeth Swann was holding up well against her unlikely beloved, Will Turner. Jack's swordbearing lessons had clearly been paying off for her.

Jack smirked as Lizzy lightly hit Will's knuckles with her blade, drawing a yelp. Will really could act the pansy sometimes. Lizzy would be much better off with a proper pirate. Him, for example. He amused himself by imagining various different ways to woo her away from Will. All seemed ingeniously successful in his eyes and he wondered how best to go about executing them. His reflections were interrupted by the woman herself as she joined him. He blinked and searched the deck. "Where's dear William?"

"Gone below to bandage his hand."

"I didn't think you'd hit him that hard."

"I didn't," she said with amusement in her eyes.

Jack smiled. Elizabeth noted it and hid her own smirk. "Was I doing alright?" she asked.

"Bloody marvellous, luv," he praised. "You look a true pirate in those clothes, even if they do hide your...charms."

Elizabeth swiped at his arm, glancing down at her borrowed attire. "You've used that line before, it won't work any better now than it did the first time. Besides, you should be careful," she said, faintly blushing, "you wouldn't want to suffer the jealous wrath of Will."

"Oh, heaven forbid," Jack exclaimed in mock horror.

"Captain!" came a cry from the deck. "There be a fierce fog up ahead." The speaker was Gibbs, the closest thing to a voice of reason in the crew.

Jack and Elizabeth stared at the mysterious and apparently completely random fog that the bow of the ship was now entering.

"How odd," Elizabeth muttered.

"Yes," Jack agreed. "Obscure, even compared to what we've seen, eh, Lizzy?" He was the only soul on board that dared to address her by this nickname. Not even Will managed it. She didn't even bother to correct him any more.

In a matter of seconds the whole ship was completely enveloped in the smog. Nobody could see more than a foot in any direction. "Nobody move!" Jack hollered. "I don't want anyone slacking off work because they tripped over a bucket in the dark!"

"Elizabeth!" Will's voice yelled.

"That goes for you too, Turner!" Jack announced.

"But where's–"

"I'm fine, Will!"

Just to reassure the whelp's peace of mind, Jack added, "She's with me." And if ensuring that Lizzy didn't get lost meant that he had to put an arm around her waist, so be it. She didn't object. In fact Jack suspected that she hadn't even noticed. The strange fog was unnerving them all. In the middle of it a white light was steadily developing.

"Can't you steer us out of it, Jack?" Elizabeth asked.

"Tried, luv, the helm's stuck." He pulled his unusual compass from his belt and peered at it. "What the hell?"

The white light grew stronger, causing them all to hide their eyes. When it passed it took the fog with it. Elizabeth gasped.

Jack was gone.

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**A/N: **Next update will hopefully be fairly soon. What did you think?


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: **Oops, sorry it's been so long between updates. I got a bit swamped by uni!

**Chapter One.**

Captain Jack Harkness awoke to an immediate headache and daylight that was too bright to be inside the TARDIS. He opened his eyes and looked up, straight into the eyes of a concerned and confused young woman. He smiled. "Hello," he said.

She raised her eyebrows and gave a cautious, "Hello."

"Who might you be?"

"Elizabeth Swann."

"Nice to meet you, Elizabeth Swann." With her help, he sat up.

"Who are you?" Elizabeth asked, taking in his bemused expression. "And what have you done to Jack?"

"I am Jack," he told her distantly, gazing around the ship that was beautifully archaic in his eyes.

A young man approached them, frowning at Jack's last comment. "What do you mean you're Jack?"

"Captain Jack Harkness. Who are you?"

"Will Turner."

"Nice to meet you, Will Turner."

Will and Elizabeth exchanged a glance.

"Where am I?"

"This is _The Black Pearl_," Elizabeth said.

"The what?"

"_The Black Pearl_. It's a ship belonging to Captain Jack Sparrow."

Jack's eyes widened. "Captain Jack–"

"You seem to have replaced him somehow."

Jack got to his feet, realisation seeping in. "Of course. The time rift."

Elizabeth and Will looked utterly confused by this statement and Jack fully realised the disadvantages of discussing time rifts with people from the 1700's.

"Time rift?" Will enquired.

"Yeah," Jack said, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's…hmm. Hang on, let me think about this." He moved to the railing and noticed the entire crew standing on deck watching him.

"Is it anything to do with the bright light we saw before your arrival?" Will asked.

Jack turned. "You saw it too, huh?"

"Was that the time rift?"

"Could be."

Elizabeth, looking unusual in her breeches and boots, placed her hands on her hips. "Are you planning on explaining it to us?"

Jack nodded. "Yes. Do you have pen and pape…um…parchment?"

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Captain Jack Sparrow did not remember consuming vast quantities of rum, but it seemed he must have done, as there was no other explanation for the headache he had. The fog, it appeared, was still around, as it was darker than he remembered. Then he opened his eyes. He was in a cabin of sorts, somewhere inside anyway. Two people were leaning over him, bemused expressions on their faces. He grinned at the female. "Hello, luv. Who are you and how did you get on board me ship?"

The young woman exchanged a look with her companion. "I'm Rose. And this isn't your ship."

"It's mine," the man said.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor."

"Well good," Jack murmured, sitting up. "I'm the pirate. Name's Captain Jack Sparrow and I've got a headache."

"Captain Jack," Rose repeated. "He's swapped places with our Jack."

The Doctor and Rose tugged the groggy pirate captain to his feet and he looked around. "Bloody hell. What kind of a ship is this?"

"It's…foreign," the Doctor covered.

"I always knew French design was dodgy," Jack muttered, staring at the control panel.

"Doctor," Rose prompted. "Have they swapped?"

He nodded. "Looks like it. I think we have the time rift to thank for that."

She smiled. "How do we swap them back?"

"Weird leverage thing," Jack was saying quietly, studying the TARDIS controls.

"Well that's the tricky part. It's going to take some planning."

Jack swaggered back to them. "So, this is a ship. Are you the Captain?"

"No, I'm just the Doctor."

"Ye keep saying that, but ye haven't done anything about me headache."

"He's not a medical doctor," Rose supplied.

Jack shrugged and swept his gaze around the control room. "How d'ye see where you're going?"

"Talent," the Doctor growled, disliking the smell of rum that the pirate had brought into the TARDIS.

"I prefer to keep a weather eye open. And check me compass, of course." He turned to Rose. "So, luv, are you a pirate or a wench?" The Doctor frowned severely at the question, which amused Jack no end.

"Neither," Rose said indignantly. "I'm…I'm…what am I, Doctor?"

"You're Rose," he replied curtly. "You don't need to be anything else."

She wasn't sure whether to feel complimented or insulted by this, but luckily Jack's interruption saved her from thinking about it.

"Bloody hell, he's a bit of a prophet, isn't he?"

Rose smiled fondly.

"So this is a ship. Where's the rum?"

"There isn't any," the Doctor took pleasure in saying, examining the nav computer.

"What? No rum?"

"But you can help yourself to tea."

"Tea?" Jack snorted.

The Doctor grinned and turned his attention back to the TARDIS. "These readings aren't right," he announced, giving the monitor a sharp whack. "I wonder if this is what Jack saw before he disappeared."

"He must've seen something weird," Rose voiced, "because the last thing he said was 'what the hell'. Remember?"

"Mm," the Doctor said profoundly.

"That was the last thing I remember saying, if it's any help to you, grump arse," Jack offered.

The Doctor's head snapped up to regard the pirate. "Why did you say it?"

"Me compass was behaving strangely."

"And the nav computer is technically the TARDIS's compass."

"Tardis?" Jack said, wrinkling his nose. "I've heard better ship names in the navy. And that's sayin' something."

"It stands for…never mind. Let's have a look at your compass." The Doctor's face, for once, held no sign of amusement.

Jack handed the compass over without comment. The Doctor and the pirate examined it. Rose stuck her head between them to look too.

"What on New Earth is that?" the Doctor said, turning the compass this way and that.

"What's wrong with it?" Rose asked.

"It doesn't point north."

"But it wouldn't in space anyway, would it?"

"We're not in space. When the time rift hit us, we automatically landed on the nearest planet."

"So where are we?"

"According to the TARDIS, we're parked up on Basilisk."

"Is that in France?" Jack interjected.

"Basilisk? But we were going to Barcelona. And that's a snake."

The Doctor shrugged. "You know what the TARDIS is like. And you're not supposed to say anything about snakes here. They get terribly offended."

"If I may interrupt," Jack said sardonically, "my compass doesn't point north. Never has."

"What's the point of it then?" Rose asked.

"Well, luv, when I was using it I wasn't trying to find north."

"What were you trying to find?"

"Isle de Muerta."

Rose blinked. "Where?"

"It's an island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is."

"And have one of those compasses too," the Doctor added.

"You're a smart lad," Jack said condescendingly.

The Doctor merely raised a fine eyebrow. "So the compass points to this Isle de Muerta?"

"No. It points to what you want most. At the time what I wanted most was on Isle de Muerta."

"And what was that?"

"Me ship. After I commandeered it there was a mutiny. I was just trying to… commandeer it back."

Rose wondered at his use of the word 'commandeer'. The Doctor fished the sonic screwdriver from his jacket pocket and swept its blue beam over the compass. "Oh, that's beautiful!" he announced.

"Oi! What are you doing?"

"Seeing what makes it work."

"And?" Rose asked.

"And I've lost my glasses."

Rolling her eyes, Rose fetched the desired items from where he'd left them with the tea things. Leaning over, she plonked them awkwardly on his nose, too low down so his voice sounded nasal. "Fanks, Robes."

Sniggering, she said, "You're welcome."

Finishing his scan of the compass, he pushed the glasses up to the bridge of his nose and turned to the others. "It works on the same basic principal as a normal compass, only it's not magnetic fields that attract it, it's something else."

"Like what?" Rose said.

"I don't know. You, Jack Sparrow, is there anything unusual on that island?"

A pained look crossed the pirate's face. "Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Same difference."

The two men shared a glare. "There's treasure there. Cursed treasure," Jack said at length.

"Cursed?" the Doctor repeated. "I like a good curse. What are the ins and outs of this one then?"

Jack relayed the story of Barbossa's skeletal pirate crew.

"Let me get this straight," Rose said, holding up a hand. "You pick up a bit of this treasure and as soon as you hit moonlight you turn into a living skeleton?"

"Essentially, yep," Jack replied with shrug. "Not just a pretty face, eh, luv?"

"Living skeletons?" the Doctor mused, running his hands through his hair, as he was prone to do whilst thinking. "That's it, that explains it!"

"What?" the other two asked.

"It's temporal. The compass was homing in on temporal distortion. A curse that interferes with time. The victims become skeletons ahead of schedule. It happens too often, bang. Got yourself a time rift. The rift messed around with the readings on the compass, which is what you saw before you came here. Jack Harkness saw the same kind of readings on the nav computer because of the rift. We fly straight into it and then the two Captains are switched before you can say Raxacoricofallapatorius. Somehow time mixed them up. Now all we need to do is switch them back and make sure it doesn't happen again."

In the pause following this lengthy speech, Rose said, "Oh," at the same time that Jack said, "What?"

"Right," the Doctor said, running around the control panel. "Captain Sparrow, what year is it where you come from?"

"Year," Jack repeated slowly. "Good question. 17…1760…1762. I think."

"You think? You mean you don't know?"

"When you spend ye life on the sea you don't need to know the bleedin' year."

There was a pause. "Okay then. 1762 it is. Now, where were you when the white light came?"

"On board me ship, _The Black Pearl_. Not far from Tortuga."

"Tortuga?" Rose said. "Where's that?"

"The Caribbean, luv."

The Doctor leaned one hand on the control panel, studying the nav computer. "That presents a problem."

"Why?" Jack asked. "Can't this ship just sail after it?"

"Not exactly. I can get to the time and the vague area, but if the coordinates are wrong we risk landing in the sea."

"Would it leak?" Rose queried.

"No. The TARDIS has stood up to lava before, a bit of seawater won't hurt it. Problem is it makes it harder for it to dematerialise."

"Um," Rose put in, "why can't we just go straight to this island place?"

"We could," the Doctor said, "but there's no guarantee that Jack would go there too."

"But he's clever," Rose retorted. "He would figure it out, yeah?"

"Possibly."

A hush fell over the TARDIS. Then the Doctor, animated again, stood upright and began pulling levers. "We'll give him the benefit of the doubt," he said brightly. "Hold on, Captain. This may be rough."


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: **Eep, sorry it has taken me so long to update. I've had essay upon essay thrown at me, and who wants Hamlet when you can have Time Lords and pirates?

Anyway, hope this slightly longer chapter makes up for it : )

**Chapter Two.**

By the time Jack Harkness had explained the basics of the time rift, using diagrams of ships and a metaphorical 'time sea', Will and Elizabeth understood. Now he was pacing back and forth on the main deck, trying to figure it all out. He had begun by listing all known causes of previous rifts, which led him to question the crew about any supernatural occurrences. Of course the cursed treasure story had come out. Like the Doctor had done, Jack put two and two together.

"Can we sail to this island place?" he asked.

"Only Jack knew where it was," Will told him.

"Wait, Will," Elizabeth cut in. "The navy went there too. There's little chance that they wouldn't have marked the coordinates."

"But what use are they if we don't have them?"

"We might." Elizabeth headed for the Captain's cabin, throwing the door open and rifling through the documents on the desk.

Will, Jack and Gibbs followed, crowding in the doorway. "What's in your head, Miss Elizabeth?" the latter enquired.

"Remember how fond Jack was of collecting things he'd stolen from Commodore Norrington? I'm almost certain he has a map here."

"Of course," Will said. "Didn't he steal it because he didn't want the navy going back to Isle de Muerta?"

"I think you could be right," Elizabeth acknowledged. "Care to help me, gentlemen?"

The three obliged and the searching continued for a further ten minutes until Anamaria appeared in the doorway and suggested looking under the mattress. The map was there. Jack was amused by Elizabeth's obvious pondering as to why she knew to look there.

At once _The Black Pearl_ set sail for Isle de Muerta, due to arrive there in a week. It was the longest week of Jack's life. Too used to whipping around in super-fast starships, the _Pearl _seemed unnaturally slow. The only plus point was having new people to flirt with. Jack had been moderately disappointed to only find three young, good-looking people on board. While Elizabeth and Will, the latter in particular, didn't seem to take to his suggestive comments, Anamaria appeared to be amused by them. She chatted away to him whilst performing her duties as acting Captain, and Jack learned a lot about how to flatter eighteenth-century women.

The crew were all briefed on the occurrences and the plan, and they agreed with it wholeheartedly. They wanted their Captain back. He screamed at them far less than Anamaria did.

When they finally reached Isle de Muerta, Jack was exceedingly happy to hear the words 'Land ahoy!'. Will and Elizabeth insisted on rowing to the island with him, which he was glad for, having had no experience of rowing in his life. It was not a skill that fifty-first-century Time Agents usually had to demonstrate.

As the little rowing boat rounded the corner, Jack saw the nicest sight he'd seen in days – A battered blue police box standing on an outcrop of rock.

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It had occurred to the Doctor halfway down the time vortex that if Jack had worked out to go to Isle de Muerta and was travelling there by ship it would take several days to get there.

He slammed down the nearest lever and the TARDIS abruptly halted, sending all three to the floor in a heap. "Sorry," came the Doctor's voice, muffled beneath Rose's hair.

"What happened?" she asked, uncomfortably sandwiched between the Doctor's arm and Jack's leg. With effort she shoved the pirate off her own arm before getting off the Doctor's.

"Something occurred to me," the Doctor said, leaping up and helping Rose to her feet. "Captain Sparrow, how long would it take _The Blue Pansy _to sail to this island from its current position?"

Still sitting on the floor, the pirate shot the Doctor a glare that could have frozen Cyprus. "_The Black Pearl_," he growled, "would take about a week."

"Righto," the Time Lord stated, bounding around the console.

Rose offered a hand to Jack, helping him up. He gave her a lopsided grin and kissed her hand. "Thanks, darlin'."

Rose blushed and Jack glanced at the Doctor. He was glaring. Jack grinned.

The TARDIS shuddered to life again as the Doctor moved round the controls. His intention in giving no warning was to make Jack fall over again. But all it did was cause the pirate to catch Rose when she lost her footing. Luckily the monitor caught his attention before he could say anything. He shoved his glasses onto his nose to stare at the screen. It was taking them to 1672 rather than 1762. He reached for the sonic screwdriver, aiming it at the monitor. "Not again! Come on, girl," he murmured, sweeping a hand over the console. "We've been to 1672. It was smelly."

The TARDIS paused for a split second before starting up again, this time heading for the right date. The Doctor grinned and patted the monitor.

Rose approached, halting briefly to pick up a yellow Post-it note. It read 'Rewire library lighting'. "This fell off," she began.

The Doctor took it from her and stuck it back on the monitor in between 'Clean fusion coils' and 'Buy milk'.

"Are we back on track?"

"Are now," he replied, straightening his tie in the monitor's reflection. "The TARDIS tried to take us to 1672 instead."

"What's at 1672?"

"Not a lot. Oi, Sparrow, leave that alone."

Jack had been reaching out to prod a panel but quickly withdrew his hand and walked around in his obscure swagger. "What bloody use is a ship without a helm?"

"This is the helm, which is why I'd rather you didn't touch it."

"How do you see the horizon?"

"I don't need to."

"But it's all part of the experience," Jack said, gesturing wildly for no apparent reason. "Luv, you've been deprived."

Rose smiled and muttered, "No I haven't."

The TARDIS began to shake once again and the Doctor yelled a warning to hold on. "The temporal distortions are causing turbulence in the time vortex," the Doctor reported.

"Can I have that in English?" Jack asked.

"It's very bumpy."

"Well done," Jack said sardonically.

"There must be a gag in the costume room," the Doctor muttered under his breath. "There _must _be."

Rose held back a giggle. "Let's just try and be friends, yeah? He won't be with us for long."

"Not the way he's carrying on. 900 years I've been travelling time and space. I've had assistants that spent most of their time screaming, I've met real life story book characters and I've spent time with Mickey, but I'm finding it difficult to remember anyone I've met who is as irritating as that pirate."

"What is a Red Hot Chili Pepper?" Jack asked, holding up a CD that Rose had left on the control panel.

Rose burst out laughing. She was still sniggering even when the TARDIS's rough landing sent them all to the floor again.

"Your ship can't take the choppy waves, mate."

The Doctor chose to ignore this in favour of helping Rose up and checking the monitor. "Fantastic," he announced. "We're right where we should be."

A wistful expression came over Rose's face. "I haven't heard you say that in a long time."

"Well maybe nothing's been that good. Especially that pasta thing you tried to make the other day."

Rose swiped at his arm. "Oi! How was I meant to know that the TARDIS cooker works differently from an Earth one?"

He grinned. "Come on. Let's take a look outside." He retrieved his coat from the back of a chair and tugged it on. Pausing at the door, he looked back. "Coming, Captain Sparrow?"

Jack made his wobbly way over to join them. "Are we going above?"

"Nope. We're there."

"Where?"

"Isle de Muerta."

"What, already?"

"Yes."

Rose opened the door and stepped out. "This it?"

Jack followed her and glanced around. "Yes. Looking just the same."

"Is this an island?" Rose asked, her voice echoing around the vast, rocky chamber. "Looks more like a cave."

"It is a cave. A cave on an island." Jack took several steps, then realised that he was standing in the middle of the room. Wondering how any ship could manage to moor there, he turned to regard the TARDIS. "That's your ship?"

The Doctor nodded, smiling. "Yup."

Jack walked around it twice, pausing to knock sharply on the back of it with one fist, then peered inside again. "O…kay."

The three of them wandered through the cave, stopping now and then to examine the copious piles of treasure. Jack soon lingered behind the other two, studying several golden goblets, trying to decide if they'd look good on his cabin table.

"Is this all real?" Rose was asking the Doctor.

"Probably. Hidden away here, what would be the use of storing fakes?"

"My Mum would go mad in here."

The Doctor bent to pick up a hideous gold and pearl necklace. "Take her a present?"

"Oh god, that's….um…"

"Horrible?"

"Yeah." Grinning, she scooped up an equally awful bracelet. "Collar for K-9?"

Across the cave there came a shout. "Doc! Rose!"

They turned to see Jack Harkness jogging towards them, followed by another man and a woman. He hugged his two companions, saying, "Am I glad to see you. A week I've been on that boat! I bet you just came straight here!"

"Yeah, sort of," Rose said.

Jack stepped back and gestured to the eighteenth-century couple. "This is Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. And this is Rose Tyler and the Doctor."

"Doctor of what?" Will asked.

"This and that. Jiggery pokery. Just about everything, really."

"Where's Jack?" Elizabeth enquired.

"What? Oh, right." The Doctor turned. "Hey, Sparrow!"

The pirate's head appeared from behind a pile of gold coins. "_Captain_ Sparrow!"

"Your friends are here, _Captain_."

Jack made his way over to them, various items of jewellery draping from his neck and pockets. "Will! 'Lizabeth! I've been sailing in that box thing."

Will and Elizabeth turned to stare at the TARDIS. "Have you been at the rum again?" the latter asked.

"It's true," the Doctor intervened. "That's my ship." A short pause befell the group. Then the Doctor broke it. "So, Jack, did you come to the same conclusion that I did?"

The pirate said, "You what?"

At the same moment the Time Agent said, "Yeah, I think so."

The Doctor held up his hands. "Wait, stop. Let's sort this out." He pointed. "You're Harkness, you're Sparrow. From now on let's stick to surnames."

"Okay," Harkness said, nodding. "I take it you were talking to me just then?"

"Yes. Did you conclude that it was the cursed treasure causing the rift?"

"Pretty much."

"Right then. Where is it?" The Doctor spun about, searching.

"It's the Aztec chest," Will told him.

"The one sitting in the shaft of daylight, presumably for dramatic purposes," Elizabeth added.

Sure enough the chest was directly above a hole in ceiling, bathed in the bright light of the cloudy outside. "Oh, beautiful!" the Doctor exclaimed, hurrying over.

"You'd think it would get wet when it rains," Rose mused.

Elizabeth laughed. "That certainly wouldn't be very dramatic."

There came a deep thud as the Doctor kicked off the lid. While he busied himself with scanning the treasure with the sonic screwdriver, the other five picked their way up the treasure pile towards him.

"How many's in there?" Rose breathed.

"Should be 882," Sparrow told her. "Lifting the curse meant getting 'em all back here with a blood sample from every victim. All a bit dramatic if you ask me."

"I wasn't," the Doctor muttered.

"Would that stop the temporal distortion?" Harkness queried.

"I would've thought so." The Doctor switched off the screwdriver and pocketed it. "I think the curse is active again."

"How can you tell?" Will asked.

"Only one way," the Doctor announced. "We're going to have to count it."

The group before him blanched. "All of it?" Rose said. "Great."

"Not count it by hand," the Doctor said. "That would mean you would get cursed too and I can't have that. Apart from the fact that it wouldn't be very nice for you, I dread to think what your mother would do to me if I brought you home as a living skeleton."

"It's almost worth it," Harkness whispered to Rose. She nodded, grinning.

"How can we count it if we have to leave it in the chest?" Will asked.

"My ship can help." The Doctor hurried back to the TARDIS, darting inside before the others could ask any more questions. It dematerialised, reappearing on top of the treasure pile, over the chest of medallions. Will, Elizabeth and Jack Sparrow stared, open-mouthed.

"Bloody hell," Sparrow muttered.

The Doctor stuck his head out of the door. "Everybody in." Then he withdrew.

The others entered the ship. Will and Elizabeth gazed round at the control room in awe and confusion.

Jack Harkness stuck his head between them, making them jump. "Don't worry, it gets everyone like that."

The group watched as the TARDIS scanned the chest. The Doctor read the results on the monitor. "According to this, there are 880 in there. There're two missing."

"How do we find them?"

"That's a very good question, Miss Swann. I think I know how though."

"How?"

"I can't tell you. It's too complicated. It's brilliant, but complicated. A lesser mind wouldn't understand. No offence."

"Doctor," Rose warned.

"What? Oh, am I being rude?"

"Yes."

"Right, sorry. Okay then, lets find some medallions." To Rose he added, "Bet the chavs would love to get their hands on these."

Rose smiled. "Nah, too Goth. Skulls and all that."

"Where're we going to look?" Jack Sparrow asked.

"We?" the Doctor repeated. "No, I said I was going to swap you back and I've done that. Thanks for the tip off about the treasure. Must dash."

"Wait, Doctor," Rose said. "Why can't we use his help? He's a pirate. He'd be good at hunting down treasure."

"She's right," Sparrow put in. "I am excellent at hunting down treasure." He gave a gold-toothed grin. "Look, there's some over there."

The Doctor's stare was blank and unreadable.

"I have a score to settle with that treasure," Sparrow went on. "It turned me into a skeleton for a bit. It wasn't a good look for me. And it was really drafty. Wind up the old ribcage."

"It would be a relief to know the curse was off," Elizabeth said. "And we are sort of responsible for it. We could help."

The Doctor moved his gaze from her pleasant, questioning face, past Sparrow's manic smiling one, to rest on Rose's quizzical expression. "Oh, alright then," he finally conceded. Rose smiled at him. "But," he added, pointing a finger at Sparrow, "no messing about with the medallions."

"You have my word as a gentleman."

"How reassuring."


End file.
